Let’s talk about sex.

We’re all men here. We all want more of it.

However, husbands regularly find themselves in cycles of complaining that their wife just “isn’t in the mood” enough.

Let me be clear up front: This is a message about personal accountability and growth. The High Value Dad community is a whine-free zone.

If you want more sex in your marriage, you have to focus on what YOU can control. That starts with making yourself more desirable to your wife.

The Audit

Now is the time to do a serious audit of yourself as a husband.

When was the last time you, unprompted, told your wife she is beautiful? How often are you in the gym keeping your body in shape? Are you checked out as soon as you get home from work or are you on fire for life and relentlessly chasing big goals and dreams for your family?

That’s step one. Be honest with yourself about where you are and identify where you have room to improve. We all do. Trust me, I was failing every single metric mentioned above just 5 years ago and still have a ways to go.

Next, understand the differences between yourself and your wife. Sex starts way before she gets into the bed. Women’s operating system is different than our caveman version.

Make the effort to intentionally connect with her before trying to close the deal. Ask her about the best and worst parts of her day and listen intently when she answers. Tell her how much you appreciate her with some specific examples.

Get Creative

When you have kids, jobs, and endless responsibilities, you just might have to think outside the box to achieve the sex life you desire.

Joel Lopez recently posted several awesome suggestions that might get the creative juices flowing:

- If your kids are in school use a vacation day or sick day and have a day date with the house all to yourselves
- Here’s a banger. Get your wife a Hotel room or AirBnb for a night or two while you stay home with the kids. Then get a babysitter to watch your kids and go visit your wife for an hour and then head back home.

Be understanding depending on the season of life you are in. I understand the struggle. I have 3 and 5 year old sons who couldn’t care less about our private time. Give yourselves some grace and time to figure it out.

Just never stop trying!!

God bless every one of you,

Jason Howerton
Founder, High Value Dad

PS. You can check out the most popular past High Value Dad newsletters here.